Fundies, otherwise referred to in normal parlance as "Christian fundamentalists" are truly so stupid they can't even recognize their own lies and delusions when they blow smoke out of their asses- which is about every two minutes. They insist we skeptics only find fault with their good Book to be ugly and unkind. They always have a shit load of excuses anytime we point out clear errors, or omissions as well as inconsistencies. Some of their choicest rationalizations (as to why WE are the ones who get it wrong) include the following:
1)Assuming the unexplained is unexplainable: Just because we have not explained everything in the Bible.
Okay, then how long must we wait? Til Hell freezes over? (Btw, we atheist skeptics would rather spend an eternity in "Hell" than two nanoseconds with the likes of either Pastor Fred Phelps, my hateful asshole sibling formerly known as "Pastor Mike" or Rev. Albert Mohler who now plans to 'double down on evangelicalism"). Anyway, the point is, if these cheeseballs haven't yet "explained" everything in their book by now it's doubtful they ever will. I mean, sheesh, it's a book (KJV) written with only 8,000 basic words, no equations - not even one differential or tensor eqn. So we aren't talking quantum mechanics or quantum field theory here! They haven't "explained everything" because there' no more to explain!
Another choice excuse:
2) Failing to understand the context of a passage: The Bible says, "There is no God." Of course, the context is, "The fool hath said in his heart. . , 'There is no God' " (Psalm 14:1). Therefore, anyone can make the Bible say anything they want if passages are pulled out of context.
Hmmmmm.....me thinks that resonates an awful lot with question begging. (And, btw, NO skeptic or atheist even if he had it in for your book would eviscerate that much of the original text to make a point - i.e. 'there is no God'! We aren't trying to emulate Mitt Romney after all, in how he relentlessly took Obama's quotes out of proper context!) But aside from your absurd example, the point is if a passage is intended to be taken literally, then HOW LARGE an extended context do we require? A whole page? The whole book? Consider one simple passage from Deut. 21: 18-21 . Taking just the words in that lines reference, it is clear to even a non-bible reader that a parent is justified to take any insolent (or drunkard, or carousing etc.) son to the outskirts of a city to let the elders stone him to death.
If fundies come back and say we can't take the context so, and we left something out, then, if that is truly so, it means no separate passages can ever be quoted! They might be 'out of context'! Oh, wait, the fundies will respond: THAT context has already been 'approved'.
Another one:
Neglecting to interpret difficult passages in the light of clearer ones:
Yes, well, see Mr. Bumpkin, the point is that your dullard brain is confusing the process of interpretation with literalness. IF the Bible can be taken literally, as you all claim, then it doesn't need interpretation! Indeed, interpretation then means the Bible CAN'T be taken literally! You only have begun to append the issue of "interpretation" as a fudge factor because we (atheists) have pinned your balls to your brains and exposed all your contradictions and other lies, nonsense.
Yet one more of this crank's list:
Failing to discern figures of speech (i.e., the use of hyperbole) in various verses: For example, when Jesus said: "And if thy right eye offend thee, pluck it out... And if thy right hand offend thee, cut it off" (Matt. 5:29-30). Now, anyone in their right mind knows that He obviously didn't mean that literally!
Well fine! Then, that means the Bible can't be taken literally!! If any one part or minor passage must be subject to interpretation, then the whole house of cards falls down. If one must parse EVEN one statement from JC as "hyperbole" then it follows that if reference is made (in the OT) say to Jonah being swallowed by a whale or "big fish" and living in it for THREE days, that is ALSO "hyperbole". Once you go through the door of hyperbole, even to try and protect your antiquated bollocks or bunkum, all bets are off. And NO, you don't get to cherry pick which passages are real and which are hyperbole, if all related passages are equally implausible to the rational mind.
Now, how about we look at clear, unimpeachable outright mistakes which can have no other interpretations. (And let us bear in mind here, neither "context" or anything else ought to matter if the passage can be taken literally - which is what fundies claim. So, they can't have their cake and eat it. If they claim literal interpretation then they are disallowed from appealing to "context", "exegesis", "eigesis" or any other BS that doesn't fit in with their claim.
First some factual errors:
We read (Gen.:1: 1-5)
“In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth. And the earth was without form, and void; and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God moved upon the face of the waters. And God said, Let there be light and there was light. And God saw the light, that it was good: and God divided the light from the darkness. And God called the light Day, and the darkness he called Night. And the evening and the morning were the first day”
The “light” referred to in the last three sentences is none other than the SUN. However, it's clear from reading each line through that the Earth was supposedly made BEFORE the Sun. (E.g. Earth without form, darkness upon face of the deep).
But this is physically impossible. We know from modern astrophysics that the solar proto-nebula had to collapse first to yield the SUN. (No planets, since they had yet to spin off the collapsing nebular cloud – it hadn’t cooled enough to allow it). As the proto-solar nebula collapsed it also began spinning and gained angular momentum. This angular momentum was then transferred to regions of the nebula that cooled and separated from the whole, and these regions became separate clouds of dust and gas that aggregated into the planets.
As more angular momentum was transferred – the planetesimal’s (each one) acquired their own spin (in a period of revolution) and specific shapes. Thus, the Earth spun off about 1.1 billion years after the solar nebula fully collapsed, and it could not have come BEFORE the Sun. Indeed, the absence of the central mass of the Sun, or ~ 10 ^33 kilograms, the Earth would've instantly been hurled toward the constellation Hercules at 12 miles per second with no central mass to keep it in check. We can compute this exactly using the basic principles of celestial mechanics.
It is clear from this that Gen.1:1-5 has stated a patent impossibility which violates all known laws of physics and dynamics and is therefore WRONG!
Other examples:
1 Kings 7:23 :
"He made a molten sea, ten cubits from the one brim to the other: it was round all about, and his height was five cubits: and a line of thirty cubits did compass it round about."
BUT: Circumference = π x Diameter, which means the line would have to have been over 31 cubits. In order for this to be rounding, it would have had to overstate the amount to ensure that the line did "compass it round about."
Lev 11:20-21:
"All fowls that creep, going upon all four, shall be an abomination unto you."
Fowl do not "go upon all four". Those are mammals, or some reptiles. Hence, this dolt doesn't know the difference between a fowl and a ferret!
Lev 11:6:
"And the hare, because he cheweth the cud..."
Hare do not "chew the cud", cows do.
Deut 14:7:
"...as the camel, and the hare, and the coney: for they chew the cud, but divide not the hoof."
This is wrong on two counts: Hare don’t chew the cud and they do divide the "hoof." Hell, maybe Pastor Mikey wrote it!
Jonah 1:17
"...Jonah was in the belly of the fish three days and three nights"
Matt 12:40 says
"...Jonah was three days and three nights in the whale's belly..."
Two errors: first a contradiction between "fish" and "whale"(between biblical verses) and second, whales and fish are not related. (Whales are the largest MAMMALS).
Next thing, since no human can survive for three days in an organic vat of hydrochloric acid without his bones dissolving, it is clear this MUST be hyperbole! I mean, look - this has to be at LEAST as implausible as taking literally JC's command that "if thy right eye offend thee, pluck it out". But we must conclude if anyone insists the latter must be taken as hyperbole, but not Jonah being swallowed by a whale and living three days inside it, he must be certifiably insane, or at least as irrational and possibly psychotic as Adam Lanza or James Eagen Holmes! In any case, if he has any guns they ought to be seized for his own good!
Matt 13:31-32: :
"the kingdom of heaven is like to a grain of mustard seed which…is the least of all seeds, but when it is grown is the greatest among herbs and becometh a tree."
There are two major errors here: first, there are many smaller seeds, like the orchid seed; and second, mustard plants don't grow into trees.
Matt 4:8:
"Again, the devil taketh him up into an exceeding high mountain, and sheweth him all the kingdoms of the world, and the glory of them."
Unless the world is flat, the increase in altitude described simply wouldn't be adequate to see all the kingdoms of the Earth. You'd need to be at least twice the height of Everest to see the "kingdoms" then in existence, and if that was done J.C. would have suffocated from lack of O2.
Conclusion: the Bible (KJV or other) cannot be a “divinely inspired” book. Rather it is a HUMAN-inspired work with all the errors one expects humans to make.
Like the reckless use of language in general (to signify things that can't exist - "fairies", "God", "abominable snowmen") one must regard the Bible only in a metaphoric as opposed to literal sense. By the way, it's unfortunate that we still must explain to stupid people, like Mike, why we take this interest despite the bible being essentially an extended 66-book mythology. DUH, Mr. Bible Puncher! Because you use it to justify all your pseudo-religious crap - from how you treat women and homosexuals, to how you treat unbelievers - and trot it out into the political arena where it impacts millions of lives! If we didn't keep one eye on you and your stupid book, there's no telling how many bastardized laws you little fuckers would get our congress critters to pass! Even now, as you seek to take away abortion rights!
Obviously, what indiscriminate bible thumpers - who worship their book like an idol - need, is those quantum dots implanted to regulate their insanity!
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