Monday, June 25, 2018

Stop Wearing Baseball Caps After Age 20? Freakin' Dream On!

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 Outside San Francisco (near Muir Woods) in 2012 wearing my Milwaukee Brewers ball cap. I am not about to 'cease and desist' because some overpaid NY fashionista says so.

Now, a change of pace from Donnie the Dotard and tyrannical Trumpism.

I don't know, maybe it's just me - but it seems as the years pass by one notices more and more nabobs in the corporate media trying to tell us older gents what to do, what to wear and what not to.  For example,  an extensive article appeared in the WSJ (May 22, p. A9)  advising any older guys who still desire to partake in the labor force (especially corporate) to:  "change dress styles to what is currently in vogue".      Thus, if any older guys want to be taken seriously as co-workers-  namely by their new Millennial bosses - they need to ditch the old -style long sleeve shirts that use cuff links, as well as the "old man" gabardine trousers and go instead with the newer fashions such as fancied by the M-boys - say like "stove pipe trousers".   Especially would- be office workers showing gray hair are advised to ditch the old man lace- tie shoes (e.g. wingtips) and instead go for newer shoes which "fasten with Monk straps."

  In other words, act their age, not yours.

What is more amusing is what older guys are now advised not to wear even if they have long since retired.    Evidently, the prime verboten piece of attire is now the  baseball cap. According to a WSJ Review piece ('Can You Wear A Baseball Cap Without Looking Immature? NO!,  June 23-24, p.  D2):

"For just about everything in life there's a time and place. And for ball caps, that time and place is the baseball field during a baseball game. Or possibly that grassy knoll where you used to play  Frisbee back in college."

Seriously, you overpaid little hack?    I am dealing with prostate cancer, and have already seen three younger brothers die before me, and you want to get all worked up about wearing a ball cap because I am past 20? Can I tell you about six different ways to shove it where the sun don't shine?   But you get the idea.  In the grand scheme of things wearing a baseball cap is - to me - small potatoes.  I have indeed worn them since playing baseball (pitcher)  for Chaminade High in Miramar, FL (before going to Pace) and I still wear them.  I wear them because I like wearing them, not to please anyone else but me.  Also, newsflash! I don't feel I have to be playing ball - softball, or hardball - to justify wearing one.

But according to WSJ style hack Scott Christian, quoting Kirk Miller of 'Miller's Oath' - a menswear shop in NYC:

"I think if you have a full time job and are not living in a fraternity house, it's time to upgrade from baseball caps."

Well, at least that gives me an 'out' according to these guys, since I do not have a full time job, and don't plan to get one. But Miller adds:

"As fashion accessories they don't  work after a certain age.  I just feel you should move beyond that once you are beyond your early 20s"

And what does he suggest in place of ball caps?    "Panama hats, or a beautifully made fedora"  E.g.
Colonial Panama Hat for Men (Grade 3-4) - Gamboa ClassicSantana Straw Fedora- Mohican Honey

Thanks, but no thanks! I will stick to ball caps!

And why not? They work for me! (See photo)  But  Miller is determined to get us to change to his old guy, 'James Bond"-style spy hats, writing:

"I don't feel like ball caps have a whole lot of personality"

Well, maybe because they don't look right on you because of your innate lack of personality - or you never followed a ML baseball team!

Scott Christian is also bound and determined to get us to change, scribbling:

"When you wear a ball cap as an older man it also raises the question of what lies beneath.   People may assume you're  hiding bad  hair or sparse hair"

Really? For whom, exactly,  does it raise that question?  What species of nosy little cur?  My wife knows a full head of hair (or nearly so) lies beneath and for any curious others, I personally don't give a flying fudge stick what they "assume"  or suspect. Besides, you don't think wearing a fedora or Panama hat would elicit the same curiosity and assumptions?

He goes on, now quoting a NYC barber, Michael Haar (owner of Haar & Co. Barbershop):

"Ball caps are a substitute for laziness.  Guys wear them because they're losing their hair or don't want  to brush their hair."

Well, he's partly right, partly wrong.  He's wrong in the sense many of us wear them because we live in places (like Colorado) where the weather can change on a dime, or be subject to high winds.  It's kind of a buzzkill to be going around hiking outside with wifey or to the movies, and 35- 45 mph kick up out of nowhere and blow your hair into an infernal mess that combing constantly won't solve. So, easy peasy, you just wear a ball cap.  Problem solved!

He's right in the sense that it's too much trouble to take care of hair on days when you don't shower (Here in an arid climate, no one with sense showers more than every other day. Besides,  we have a water crisis. )  But on the non-shower days the hair can turn greasy, i.e. have that kind of look from extra oils secreted, say if your genes dictate such.  Again, a ball cap easily solves the problem.  As Janice puts it:  "Definitely, when we go out on the non-shower days( say to Red Lobster) I prefer you wear a ball cap. I hate that greasy look!"

Works for me!

But according to Mr. Haar this type of solution isn't kosher, saying:

"True gentlemen groom their hair if they have it!"

Spoken like the owner of a NYC barbershop who wants to get $$$ off grooming hair, and won't if too many guys wear ball caps

The final, parting shot is pathetic:

"And besides, can you imaging Cary Grant in a baseball cap?"

Nope, but then I can imagine a lot of other past and current celebs not wearing them either. Say like Jimmy Durante or  Peter Dinklage.

But, for the rest of us - mainly older guys-   get off of our case and do something useful, say like criticize the fake orange hair of a certain mutant Orangutan,
Image result for Trump as orange orangutan images

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